Forgiving with out an Apology.

In life, relationships, friendships and marriage (really in life all together) there can be so much pain when we allow the bitterness of unforgiveness to creep into our hearts. Some may be lighter offenses and at other times it can be an offense so great that the pain runs deep. A pain that only God can heal.  



Derivative of original photo by Seyed Mustafa  Zamani used with CC



When we find ourselves in the position of needing to ask for forgiveness from someone; quickly and sincerely offer an apology. Not only from our spouse, but from God. It hurts God when we hurt each other. 


In 1 John 1:9, it tells us that when we seek forgiveness of our sins, God is faithful to forgive us and cleanse us of them. I don't know about you, but I need to humble myself daily before God and seek His forgiveness and guidance.


In marriage, if your spouse is quick to be humble and apologize than count yourself as being blessed! 


However, there may be a time when your spouse doesn't apologize for something he has done against you. No matter what the offense. Being a simple, silly offense like eating that last chocolate chip cookie knowing all to well that you claimed that cookie, you touched it, licked it, wrote your name on it and he still ate it! hahahah Or a deeper, greater offense that would bring your marriage to it's knees and riddled with so much hurt that only God can save. 

Sometimes forgiving someone is hard. If the pain is deep, I understand it's not so easy and it must be a process not an event . 

What should we do as Christian wives? 

We are ALL sinners so therefore we should forgive because we want God to forgive us. 
Matthew 6:14-15 KJV 
"For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. "

Colossians 3:13 KJV 
"Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye."

In Matthew 18:15, the bible tells us that if someone has sinned against us to go and talk about it with them. I also know that if the offense is huge, sometimes that confrontation or conversation is so hard and it may be easier to forgive and stay at a distance until God leads you to initiate restoration. 

Remember the parable Jesus told in Matthew 18:23-35? Basically it's telling of a certain king who had a servant that was in debt to him and the servant could not pay. The servant was released from his debt to the king. The forgiven servant had a fellow-servant that owed him money, but he would not forgive his fellow-servant from his debt. When the king heard of his unforgivness, the king was angry and punished him. 

Holding on to your hurt and pain will only hinder you from true healing. Unforgiveness can put a wedge between you and the true inner healing God has for you. 

Forgiving someone even if they haven't apologized is about your freedom, your spiritual life, trusting God, and your responsibility to move forward. 

Knowing who you are in Christ is so important in forgiving others. Their sin is about them. It doesn't label who you are. Remind yourself who you are in Christ. It's so important to your healing through this great pain. 

Also forgiving doesn't mean you trust them again. No, it means you are stepping out and trusting God! 

We forgive because God has forgiven us. 
Luke 23:24 KJV "Then said Jesus, Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do. And they parted his raiment, and cast lots."

So, ladies, I want to encourage you to let go and give to God any unforgiveness you may hold in your hearts so that you may have that true inner healing from Him.  

Blessed, 

Starla J. 

Sharing with...

Faith Along the Way, Faithful Feat




30 comments:

  1. Such a good reminder! Thank you for the Scripture, it is so powerful. I know this is an area I need to work on. <3

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    1. I need a daily dose of this!! Thank you for stopping by.

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  2. Forgiveness is easier than forgetting. Apologies make forgetting easier. I teach the children empathy so they will grow to be sincere and loving.

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    1. We all have memories. It's much easier with an apology, absolutely! Thank you for stopping by!

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  3. Thankfully, I'm the kind of person who really could care less about apologies. Truly. If my husband never apologized to me ever again for the rest of my life, I may not even notice. Unfortunately, however, that means I don't always think to apologize to him... SO... if your husband is anything like me, it may not be that he's not sorry, but that the thought truly doesn't occur to him. I get in trouble for not apologizing all the time!

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    1. Thank you, Brittany, for that encouragement! I appreciate it.

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  4. I'm not married, but a lot of your thoughts can translate to my day to day too! Great reminder, thank you!

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    1. Yes, you are right, this can work for any relationship. Thank you for stopping by!

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  5. Oh this is so hard isn't it? Something I too had to learn over the years but God so blesses us when we do. :)

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    1. Yes He does!! I am blessed!! Thank you Laura for commenting.

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  6. Such a good message - but a tough one sometimes! Love the scriptures you gave, too!

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    1. Thank you Clare. It is hard but worth it.

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  7. Great encouragement to do the right thing! It is so important.... and the sooner we forgive, the easier it is.... waiting only makes it harder and harder to forgive.

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  8. Ah, yes, forgiveness. God recently told me that my forgiveness of a specific person wasn't for my relationship with them, but it was for my relationship with HIM. Still, trying to sift through the pain that is so raw and fresh, remembering that I am choosing to forgive, and trying to heal - that's hard.

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    1. Yes, hard, that's why I need God. He is enough.

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  9. "It's a process, not an event." Such wise words here, Starla. Too often, when forgiveness doesn't come easily, we give up. We need to remember, however, that when it is hard, it is a process that often takes time.

    When I have trouble forgiving my hubby for something he has done, I can feel a literal gap between not only him and me, but me and God. It is humbling myself before God that allows me to offer forgiveness to my husband.

    Forgiveness is more about us than it is about the other person. Thanks so much for this wisdom-rich reminder.
    Blessings to you and yours.

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  10. Love this, Starla! I'm featuring you again this Friday at Grace & Truth! Thanks, friend!

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  11. Great reminder, Starla! I feel as though I can forgive easily when it's small offenses, but when it's something serious and harmful to me, I want to carry a grudge. Remembering how God has given me grace I didn't deserve helps me to pass it along to others I don't think deserve it either!

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  12. There is such wisdom here. God never attaches our requirement to forgive to the repentance of the offender. Congrats on being featured this week!

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  13. This is so good. I'm blessed to be married to someone who does apologize quickly, but I still get hung up on stupid things. Just the other day, we had a disagreement about how he apologized! I didn't thought it was backhanded. But you're right, forgiving someone else is about my freedom and moving on. I don't need to analyze the apology, and I may not even get an apology. I just need to forgive.

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    1. That's true for us all, Dawn. Thank you for stopping by!

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  14. Starla, you are my neighbor at Woman to Woman and I thankful for your words are so true and in need of reminding me and probably others! I have needed to seek forgiveness and also give it. I believe neither are easier than the other. But...the one I had to deal with the deepest was forgiving one of my own sisters for a terrible wrong she believed about me that our dementia-riddled mother accused me of. This sister threw terrible words at me and believed nothing I said. After three years, I finally had to accept the fact that she could not say, "I am sorry" yet her actions told me that she wanted a relationship with me, even though it might be surface. We live 1500 miles apart. So that is how it is now and I am peaceful because I forgave and released it to the LORD. I would not want to be holding this after all these years. Our Mama has been gone for two years and a week or so before she died, she spoke a word to me..."harmony" and I asked her if she meant between her girls and she said "yes." I had never blamed Mama because she had quickly forgotten the accusation, never recalling the stress she had caused. In her right mind, she would have never said such a thing. So who am I to hold this. Jesus wants us to give Him our burdens and lay these things at the Cross.
    Thanks. I guess I needed to share today. Sorry for the lengthy comment.
    Caring through Christ, ~ linda

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  15. I am not trying to be contrary or argumentative, this is a sincere question. God requires us to confess/acknowledge our sin before He forgives us, right? (Or am I off base?)... So why should we operate differently (i.e. forgive someone who has not acknowledged wrongdoing)? This is a question I have had for a long time. I can't find anywhere in the Bible that directs us to forgive without an apology. Can you ladies help me out?

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