My eyes were red, swollen, and burning from painful tears. I cried off and on for days. I was deeply hurt, shaken and brought to my knees. I sought God for answers, help and comfort. But mostly I asked WHY. Why God? Why would You let this happen to me? Am I nothing to You? I asked Him all this plus more. I accused Him of leaving me. Where was my shelter from all the horrific events that had happened to me? My thoughts were; I try so hard to serve You and I get this in return.
I let my mind focus on my pain. I looked at man and the sin.
Where should I have been focusing? On God and His scripture.
After wallowing in self pity for days, I was still in pain mind you, but I started getting my focus back on God. I made that choice.
They will have no fear of bad news; their hearts are steadfast, trusting in the Lord.
I dove deeper into God's word. The Bible. I would just say the name "Jesus", over and over. I would listen to Praise and Worship music.
I prayed over my thoughts and emotions. I asked God to protect my mind and to let my thoughts, feelings and emotions to be the ones He would want me to have in this situation.
I invited the Holy Spirit to guide and comfort me.
I began to think more of God than of myself.
I started to allow God to mold me, change me and heal me. I worked on seeking God as my shelter while still learning to forgive and walk in a better place within me.
In God's perfect timing, He brought into my life amazing Christian women who poured into me, spoke truth to me, held me while I cried, but encouraged me to move forward and stand in who I was as a daughter of Christ. If ever I was wrong or unbalanced, they would let me know and encourage me to do better. Most importantly, they prayed for me! There is just something about a Christian friend that will stand with you in prayer and fasting.
I looked into who the Bible says I am, and God's love for me. I remind myself daily of those truths.
Little by little, day by day, and sometimes it felt like a snail pace, but slowly I was able to, with God's help, get out of that broken state I was in.
I stood, arms wide open to the Everlasting God. I soaked up all I could of God's love. I imagined me sitting at his feet and laying my head on His lap. It brought comfort knowing God loves me ( and He loves you the same way) so much.
I share all this to encourage you. We all will go through hard times in life. Either from our own sin or the sins from others. However, God has a filter on our lives. He sets laws we, as Christians, should follow in an effort to filter out as much sin and bad things from our lives as we can. When we truly seek our God, everything, good and bad goes through His filter first. He doesn't cause the bad. Yes, we have a free will to choose Him and His ways.
Yet still, we can choose to live a life that is God filtered. As we walk through difficult times, we can choose to allow this to bring us closer to God or we can choose to allow the pain, bitterness and callousness settle down and pitch a tent in our hearts. If we have the later of those, than let's choose the great exchange.
We must sharpen our listening skills. Learning to hear the Holy Spirit and follow His gentle guiding. Especially when we go through such sorrow.
What can I (and you) learn from this? Even through the pain, God is there. I am not alone. He may have me walk through hard times but He goes before me, He walks with me. It is to bring me closer to Him. It is to change me for the better.
My walk with God is closer than it has ever been. I worship Him more freely. I have access to His peace. Through His love, grace and mercy, I am able to extend those things to the ones who cause me pain.
I don't have the right words to adequately describe our God. My words fall short. But my heart and soul is won by our amazing, loving God.
And I praise Him!
I am thankful for a God filtered life.
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