When Trusting God Means Trusting Your Husband.

All married women realize at some point during married life that their husbands are not perfect. As we grow through marriage, we learn that our husbands are just works-in-progress, too, like we are, and as such, they make mistakes from time to time. 

The hard part about being married to an imperfect man is that we are called to trust him and submit to him anyways - even when:
  • When he forgets to pay bills
  • When he breaks a promise
  • When he grows depressed
  • When he acts irresponsibly
  • When he acts unloving
  • When he runs from God like Jonah
Do you find that challenging? 

Because I certainly do! 

When I see evidence that my husband is really struggling in his faith and not walking well with the Lord, I begin to question his judgement and leadership for our family.


That slippery slope of distrust quickly leads straight to disrespect if I don't catch it in time.

And then who is the one not walking well with the Lord? It's me.
In failing to trust my husband's leadership, I'm really failing to trust God.
Because if I truly trust God, then I believe He will care for our family no matter what decisions my husband makes, no matter what the consequences might be, whether they are decisions I agree with or not. I trust that the Father has placed me under my husband's umbrella for a reason.





"Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything." Ephesians 5:22-24 (NASB)
Wives, be subject "as to the Lord." In the same way that we submit to and place our trust in the Lord's authority, we should also submit to and place our trust in our husband's authority.

That's a hard truth to swallow, my sisters in Christ. 

If I trust God, then I trust that He knows what He is doing in my husbands life. I trust that He is still at work in my man. I trust that He will not allow anything into our lives, our marriage, our family, that will fail to result in good for us somewhere down the road.

Because submitting to my husband, means submitting to the Lord. Does that mean I must follow my husband blindly into disaster or even sin?
No.

As my husband's sister in Christ, I am compelled to speak truth in love into his life. I am compelled to demonstrate my compassion while also asking him to be the man God calls him to be. Furthermore, I am compelled to set my own boundaries when it comes to personal conviction and sin and humbly ask him to respect them. 

At the same time, I can affirm that I trust his leadership because I trust our loving Father.  I can love him even when I feel unloved myself.  I can have compassion on him because I know what it's like to wrestle with the Lord myself! 

I can become a praying wife who spends time on her knees asking the Father to work mightily in her husband's heart.

Even though trusting God by trusting my husband might make life uncomfortable for a while, I will ultimately reap the blessing of obedience. 

And my husband will enjoy the blessing of a supportive wife who does her best to understand his work-in-progress status. And our children will see how a couple works through the tough times in married life together rather than growing distant from one another.

What a beautiful lesson.


I'm asking you to be a trusting wife today.

And I know that for some more than others, what I ask comes at a cost to you. Your past tells you that it's not safe. Your past tells you to protect yourself at all costs. Your past tells you to nag that man until he does what is right. 

Furthermore, the enemy himself will insert a voice, too. He'll whisper lies about how unfair it is of God to ask you to be obedient when your husband is not. He'll tell you to take matters into your own hands instead like Sarah did so long ago. 

He'll drag you right into the mess if you let him. 

Don't listen to those lies, friends! 

I've been that distrusting, nagging wife. In fact, from time to time I still am, to my disgrace. 

But in all our sixteen years of marriage, I've never found that path to actually work. Using my words as a weapon only serves to separate us further from one another, and it leads me into sin. 

What does work?

Prayer. 

Trust. 

Belief in a God who can and will do the impossible in your marriage. 

Trust your husband, not because he's always trustworthy or because he deserves it, But because you trust a faithful God.

Jen :)


Jen blogs at Being Confident of This - grace for the work-in-progress woman.  Follow her for articles on faith and family as she navigates life as a mom to four and a pastor's wife, all while learning to let go of perfectionism in favor of abundant grace.


    

11 comments:

  1. AMEN!!! I love this post, Jen! This is so true. A godly husband wants what is best for his family. I know this to be very true. And for the husband who isn't following God's ways, prayer is KEY - absolutely. It is hard, yes, but I found that it was the only way. And keep praying.

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    1. Yes, Aimee, we always need to keep praying for our men, especially in the leadership area! Marriages and families are clearly under attack these days. It's more important now than ever to demonstrate to the world what a trusting marriage looks like.
      Jen :)

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  2. You put into words what I want so much for other wives to see! God has shown me this and I praise Him for teaching me such wisdom! Thank you for sharing and for the challenge. My marriage made the most change through my willingness to trust and respect even when his actions were not trustworthy or respectful. It's so powerful!!

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    1. Amen, Cassandra! I'll be honest - this is an area I still find challenging, but I'm learning! So, it's as much a challenge to myself as to others. ;)
      Jen

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    1. Hi, Nancy! Great to see you here! :)

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  4. What do you do when you realize your husband has fallen into pornography.....again. How can I trust him to do do whats best for us when he is so caught up with his own selfishness. I had been trusting him every time the truth came to light only to get hot with the reality everything is not okay and he is the head of our household. This has been going on for so long on/off for 15 years of our marriage. Do you trust Him even when is is not trustable? God is and thank the Lord for that I put my trust in Him and pray my husband will get complete healing in his life to let go of this painful part of his life forever. If a wife has never gone through this pain it can be easy to say trust your husband when there has never been such a betrayal.....but what if there has been and what do you do to navigate those areas of your marriage.

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    1. Actually, I have experienced betrayal in our marriage, unfortunately, although not in quite the same manner as you have. So this is not the advice of a wife who has not been through some truly dark times in married life. Neither is it the advice of a wife who has never considered divorce. Here's part of the post that may speak more to your situation: "As my husband's sister in Christ, I am compelled to speak truth in love into his life. I am compelled to demonstrate my compassion while also asking him to be the man God calls him to be. Furthermore, I am compelled to set my own boundaries when it comes to personal conviction and sin and humbly ask him to respect them." Obviously if your husband has continued in a pattern of destructive sin, it's time to call in some outside help. I'm not asking you to be a doormat or to turn a blind eye, so if that's what you gathered from this post, I apologize.

      I'm no expert in this area, but what has worked for us has been lots of solid Christian counselling and building in some accountability partners into our marriage. It helps tremendously that my husband is willing to work at our marriage. I know some are not, sadly.

      Does that mean you or I or thousands of other women will never be betrayed again? Certainly not. Sin is alive and well in our world! If you read the words above, I hope you see that I don't expect women to blindly trust their husbands - instead, I expect them to trust an ever-faithful God (even when our men are not being the leaders and men of God that they should be).

      The good news is that with the Lord's help, I firmly believe redemption is possible in your situation. :) I've seen it in my own marriage and in countless others! However, before redemption can take place, sin must be brought out into the light. It cannot remain hidden. And if he is unwilling to be completely honest with church leaders or with a counselor, that duty to shed light on the darkness might fall to you, unfortunately.

      Practically speaking, there are things you can do to help your husband overcome. You can install programs such as Covenant Eyes on your computers and media devices, or put passwords on your television and computer that restrict mature content. If he's using his phone to access porn, turn off the data on his phone - whatever you can do to keep the potential for temptation out of your house, do it. You can also continue to support him prayerfully.

      However, without some outside help, it's likely any repentance will be short-lived. Pornography is incredibly addictive, and he may even need life-long accountability in the same way an alcoholic or drug addict does. I cannot stress that enough - find a counselor you both feel comfortable with, one who is not afraid to bring God's Holy Word into the discussion!!

      I also recommend Jen and Craig Ferguson's book, "Pure Eyes, Clean Heart" about overcoming pornography in their marriage.

      I'm so sorry for your pain. So very sorry. I want you to hear me when I say that this is NOT your fault. It's a sin issue deep within your husband and sometimes there is very little you can do to help! Even though I don't know your name, I will be praying for you and your husband! If you'd like to chat more, feel free to message me on my facebook page, Being Confident of This.

      Jen

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    2. I would also strongly recommend using the services of a Certified Sex Addictions Counselor. It is an addiction as powerful as cocaine. Your husband needs the right people in his team. A CSAC will take a very different approach than your pastor or other counselors, and will treat the root of the problem (false intimacy) and replace it with something healthy and growing (true intimacy).

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  5. I LOVED THIS!!! Just found it on pintrest, but have to say it's right on time from God!!! Yes, sometimes it is hard to trust, especially when you know there have been lies in the past to cover up habits! I do know God works ALL things together for the good of those who love the Lord and are called according to His purpose! So Thank you ! God bless you Jen

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  6. As a wife of someone who has been betrayed and who was separated from my husband because of his destructive patterns. We divorced ten years later after I could no longer put myself or my children in jeopardy again. I stayed separated that long because I was praying to God for him to heal my marriage. Eventually, he wanted out and at that point after numerous affairs and forging my name on loans to support his habit enough was enough. You are right God does not want us to be a doormat and even he came today I would not welcome him back. Do I forgive him? Yes, I do. Do I love him? Yes, I do. He is the reason for my beautiful children, but I couldn't subject myself or my children anymore.

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